What I'm Not: What I'll Never Be
by Samsafanfic
Summary: Six years ago Hinamori Amu placed on a mask, making her devoid of any and all emotion. If she herself can not even remove the mask... who is there left to do it? Rated T. Amuto!
1. Preface

**"What I'm Not; What I'm Never"**

**Preface: **In Which There is Just Another Beginning

**Normal POV (Point of View):**

Bright, shining French Rose hair was thrown over the teenagers shoulder carelessly as she stared out the rectangular window with those eyes you could sink in the depths of. Those direful cold, impassive pools Gamboge that complimented her pensive personality perfectly. It was, once again, the first day of school. But she didn't care. It wasn't as if this was anything new. It was just another boring old school in another large, heavily populated city. And they were all the same. They were rich, high priced private academies with uniforms just replica's of others with only the school's colors being the difference. The same rumors wafted around everywhere she went.

The girl was not one to care for the pointless gossip and senseless rumors. After all, moving three times in one year every year could just make you... numb, per say, to all of the new rumors at your high class new school. She used to care... yes, she used to care immensely about what people thought of her. But now, what, exactly, was the point of caring. She didn't know of any point. So she just didn't care.

"Himamori-san, read page 72." The red haired teacher called out perkily. The girl flipped the book open to the right page and kept her icy eyes on her teacher, Easter spy, Yuu Nikaidou.

"It's Hinamori," She said, almost robotically, as she stood, face stoic, and read page 72 in the English novel without a single error. She didn't miss a beat or stutter once- she didn't read too slow or too fast. She simply read as it was suppose to go, duplicating an Americans accent perfectly. Finishing, she took her eat and shut the book, then turned back to the window and stared out of it.

"Ahh! Cool and Spicy!" She ignored her classmates admiration like she did at every school. 'Cool and Spicy.' A title she first received in forth grade, the first time she had ever moved, when she was shy and embarrassed, saying too few of words which was misunderstood for 'playing it cool.' But it didn't matter anymore. Ever since she had worn this attitude. It made everyone fear yet admire her. It made everyone to afraid to approach. It kept everyone at bay... at a distance, for their own safety.

It only took a year after she earned the title 'Cool and Spicy' to perfect it. She never blushed. She never got flustered. She never even rose an eyebrow. Her face was always bored, stoic, emotionless, if you will. The mask she wore was hers and hers alone. It protected her. It protected others. And it was irremovable... by anyone but her younger sister and her four charas. They were her weakness. Her kryptonite. The people that she would give up her lives for. And the people that she put in the most danger. She hated herself for doing it, but she was too close to the five not to. She couldn't help it. And that's what would make her hated more one day... by the five, and herself.

Hinamori Amu. That was her. The 'Cool and Spicy' girl. The sixteen year old petite girl with the Gamboge eyes and the shiny French Rose hair. The girl with no emotion. The girl numb to rumors and gossip. The girl that didn't care what people though of her. The girl that was completely alone except her four Shugo Charas and her younger sister, Ami. And so this is where the story begins. The story in which there is just another beginning to another town in another large, over populated city. The city that would change Hinamori Amu's life forever.


	2. Chapter 1

**_"What I'm Not; What I'm Never"_**

**_Chapter 1_**

**_Normal POV (Point of View):_**

After five more mind numbing hours of staring at the window, already knowing what was being taught, and being called on numerous times for 'Not paying attention', school was finally over. Deciding to take a short cut to her temporary living quarters--Amu couldn't think of every place she lived in as home,-- Amu turned into an alley way and walked directly past a man who was leaning against the brick wall. She paid no attention to him, though. What was the need to? So she simply past him.

"Girl," The voice sounded drunk, leading Amu to wonder briefly who actually got drunk at this time of day. "You aint aloud in my Alley without payment," The man slurred, staggering towards her, obviously so drunk that he was incapable of standing straight on his feet. Amu just stared at him blankly, fearlessness showing, her unblinking eyes on the man.

"Oh? I didn't think you could buy alleyways," She said, voice strong, unwavering. Her expression was indifferent, as she turned back around and continued through the alley at a normal pace. Hearing footsteps aproach, she spun around and caught the wrist of the drunk before he could succesfully place his hand on her shoulder.

"Yes?" She said, golden-brown orbs staring unblinking into the man's coal black tunnels. He tried to lash out his other arm to hit the sixteen year old, only to have her catch it midway with ease. Her lips were now pressed into a fine line, as she twisted one of his wrist and kneed him in a rather sensitive area. He moaned and fell to the ground, clutching at his injured point, obviously in pain.

"There's your payment," She said in monotone, and turned, continuing the shortcut to her living quarters, living the man on the ground to weep. _Pathetic._

* * *

Amu stopped in front of the colossal silver gates to her 'curreny living courters', an estate, better known as tremendous mansions in Tokyo, Japan. Once the guard next to the gate spotted the teen, he immediatley had the gates open. She walked in casually, head up, eyes straight forward.

"Sorry, Hinamori-sama! I should've had the gates opened earlier, I'm must appologize, I am so-" Amu blocked the guard out, as usual, and continued into the mansion without sparing the 'oh so sorry' man a second glance... or a first, for that matter. This one was a bit better than the other ones, with the vast amount of land on the backside deemed as the courtyard; the garden to the south of the building, piling high with tons of extravagent flowers; the tree's providing the perfect shelter for shade, which blue birds usually sat upon the branches of; the large pool, indoors and outdoors; the bathtubs with built in jaqoozees; her bedroom on the fourth floor with an balcony showing an extravagent view; her room, six times larger than any masters bedroom; her closet, four times larger than any masters bedroom. It was like she had her own over sized apartment on her floor- the top. But, once she saw the place, she said the same thing as always with that same stoic face. "Looks Boring."

Before Amu even reached the large Mahogany doors, they were swung open by the head maid, who bowed polietly. She was a rather young maid to be in charge, around twent-four, or so, with large, innocent pale blue eyes and a strong, kind smile.

"Welcome home, Hinamori-sama." The maid said, and curtsied. She kept down and stuck an envelope toward Amu. "This is from your mother and father," She explained, though it wasn't really needed. Amu said nother, but walked into the house to see rows of maids on both sides of her path, each of whom instantly bowed and said "Welcome home, Hinamori-sama." Amu ignored this, though. It was as normal for her as anything. Instead, she threw her school bag on the ground carlessly, kicked off her shoes, and strode toward the kitchen, eyes cold, letter in hand.

Upon entering the kitchten Amu sat in a chair that was already pulled out, and a maid placed a glass of milk as well as double chocolate chip cookies in front of her, before quickly taking her leave after curstying. Amu payed no attention to the cookies, and instead tore the Hinamori family seal off the back of the letter and pulled out a sheet of gold embroded stationary that she saw as a waste of money. Unfolding it from thirds, she began to read.

**Ciao, caro figlia Amu-chan! (Hello, dear daughter Amu!)**

**Papa and I are going to Italy for a week and a half, so we want you to take proper care of your sister. They maids can probably handle it, but keep an eye on her! You know how she can be. **

**Please tell Ami-chan I'm sorry to leave so sudden- we promised we'd take her, but we had to leave early. Get the money off the counter and take her somewhere sometime while we're gone. Have fun, and _try _to make friends at your new school! **

**Love you both, **

**Mama. **

Of course she was going or was already gone out of town with her husband. Even if Amu's mother bought an extravagent mansion, she was scarcley in it, always off in some other countries, getting inside scoops so she could write about it in her now famous magazine colum. And Amu's dad- well, he either tagged along for the adventure or to take pictures of unique birds to display at his now-famous art show.

The kitchen door suddenly burst open, revealing a smiling nine-year-old with wide, innocent chesnut eyes and dark auburn hair pulled to either side of her head with bright red ribbon. Her smile grew upon seeing her older sister, as she ran up to her and jumped up and down, seemingly excited. She was the picture of innocence, wide eyes, Elementary uniform, and bouncing pigtails.

"Onee-chan!" The girl uttered joyfully, as she jumped into her siblings arms, embracing her in a tight, warm hug.

"How was your first day, Ami?" She asked, extracting herself from the hug and placing Ami, her little sister, on her lap. Her tone was a bit gentler now that she was talking to the person she was closest to, but it was still unnessasarily guarded.

"Fun," Was Ami's perky reply. A small smile graced Amu's lips at this, only to disappear seconds later, leaving one to wonder if it was just the trick of the eye. Ami always told her fun on good days, boring on adverage days, and horrible on days where no one seemed to like her. Which was very rare. It was hard _not _to like the young girl. But, still, it was good to know that her day was always going better than her sister's.

"Ohhh! Cookies! Can I have some?!" Ami asked, reaching for a cookie already before she had even completed the sentence.

"Yes. I wasn't going to eat them anyway," She said, gazing down at her sister who was already munching on the delectable treat. She turned to her sister and smiled happily, before turning back around and taking a gulp of milk.

"Ne, Onee-chan, where are your charas?" Ami asked after finishing the cookie. Ami knew all about Chara's-- in fact, she had two unborn herself. One blue with pink swirls in the shape of flowers, the other pink with blue swirls in the shape of flowers.

"They're out in the garden, helping Suu water some of the plants." Amu replied, turning so her sister could hop off of her lap, which she did seconds later.

"I'm going to play with Ran!" She said, before running from out of the room. She stopped at the door for a second, only to say, "See you at dinner!"

Amu had the urge to frown when her sister said this. But, she put her mask back into place, depite that. Ami always told her 'See you at dinner' as parting, when she knew that Amu always ate in the confines of her bedroom. It almost made her feel bad. _Almost. _Because she knew Ami _was _trying to make her feel bad so she would come downstairs and eat like she was supposed to. Ami had once told her she was the perfect sister, the perfect daughter, but she needed to eat dinner like a family. That was one of the few times in her life that the now-nine-year-old had ever been serious. And Amu was a bit greatful for that. She couldn't have an emotionless sister just because of her horrible enfluense.

Walking up the four flights of stairs it took to reach her bedroom, Amu went to the end of the long hall, and closed her door. The room walls were all painted black, and looked similar to a plaid skirt with Fuchsia, Cyan, and Spring Green stripes going every which way. The ground was cold white marble, only certain area's holding plush carpet, which was a shade darker than Cyan, almost Cerulean. The bed was a standard sized king matress with pale blue sheets that almost seemed to be white and held around fifteen colorless pillows. Around it was a thin white canopy that seemed almost translucent in the light produced from the green tinted balcony window made of a special tye of stong glass.

Near on side of the room sat a large flat screen television and a black leather couch as well as a matching chair that sat beside it. To another side of the room stood an electric guitar, base guitar, violin, drums, microphone, electric piano, and grand piano, all shining and seemingly new. On a different side of the room was a Mahogany desk, on which sat a lamp, laptop, pen, and printed documents that lay on the printer still. To the left of it was a professinal drawing studio with a White Paper Drawing Pad, 1 Roll of Masking Tape, Two Kneaded Erasers, a Blending Stump Variety of Drawing Pencils, 1 Pencil Sharpener, Scissors, Charcoal pencil, Colored pencils, Markers, Oil Pastels, A basic blank journal, 3 Pieces of Compressed Charcoal Cone Crayons: 1 White, 1 Brown, 1 Black, and much _much _more.

-There were three doors in the room. One lead to the bathroom, another to the walk-in closet, the next to the hall way, which Amu had just came from. Ignoring everything she passed, Amu made her way across the room toward the balcony, opening the stain green glass windows, and steeping out onto it.

Balconies. They were usually the only place she could feel peace at, no matter where she went. They weren't all the same, no, each with different senery and leading into different weather, but depite that, it was one of Amu's favorite places. She had never had a room without a balcony, even when she was young, and it made her feel just that again: like a child. Though she hated feeling like a child, she, some reson, couldn't keep away from the balconies. And though she felt all these emotions, she couldn't come to show them. Because she still wore her mask, as strong as ever. And she would never let it fall. She would never take it off- even if she wanted to, it seemed impossible to do.

Going to the bars of the balcony, she closed her eyes and felt the breeze fly through her hair. Her face stayed blank, but she could feel that it shouldn't be like that. It _should _be in a small smile. She _should _look serene, at peace... happy. But she didn't. All because of-

"Amu-chan!" A perky voice said, snapping Amu away from her train of thought. Inwardly scowling herself for not sencing the presence of her own Shugo Charas, or someone coming from behind her, for that matter, she turned and faced Suu.

"Hm?" Her usual one-sylable answer came. Suu would have frowned if this had happened two years ago, but she was used to this Amu now, with her short answers, and the way she seemed intrested in no conversations.

"Dia said that she needed to tell all of us something important, desu." She explained. Dia and the other charas appeared behind the small green chara, and Dia stepped forward.

"It seems that Ami is in danger of Easter," Dia said, looking grave. Amu immediatley turned her full attention the the yellow chara. "She has become friends at school with the adopted sibling of Easter's Tsukiyomi Ikuto."

* * *

**Sorry it's a little short. Please tell me if it's decent enough to keep writing. **

**Samasafanfic says:**

**"Press The Shiny Button!"**

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